From: aliceblue06 - 04-04-2010 11:57:22

Q. I love my job, but my boss doesn’t care about me. Don’t get me wrong, I am a self-starter with plenty of initiative and don’t need to be stroked regularly or given compliments on a daily basis. But it’s difficult to get time with him and when I do, he’s so focused on how events or circumstances affect him, we end up talking about his pressures and challenges, not mine! He has been very successful in his career, can be really charming when he wants to be, but is totally ruthless in getting what he wants. Empathy is not a word in his dictionary! Can you give me some advice as to how to get him on my side?

A. In a recent BBC article, Professor Robert Hare of the University of British Colombia says “corporate psychopaths” need arrogance and focus to succeed. This type of personality can be superficially charming, fly into rages and likely to take the credit for colleague’s achievements. Unfortunately these type of people are extremely focused on achieving their goals and are not concerned about other people’s feelings. There will certainly be a lack of empathy for you. You may have to do a bit of work in making up for his shortcomings as a manager.

Learn to be assertive
Tell him you have booked a 1-to-1 meeting and if he ducks away, ensure the meeting appointment is constantly repeated until you get a result. Once you have his attention be totally honest about the situation. Tell him exactly what you need, when you need it and why. If this doesn’t do the trick, walk away saying “I’m disappointed, I came here to ask you for support and I’m not getting it”. Perhaps if he hears that often enough he’ll get the point. Keep calm and focused, don’t get upset; concentrate on the objective at hand.

Do your colleagues share the same problem?
It may be easier to solve this in a group situation. As a group you may be able to identify patterns of behaviour that apply to others as well as you? If this is the case, have a group session where you can compare thoughts and feelings. This may also be helpful in analysing what influences his approach. For example, what pressure is he under, does this happen at a particular time etc? You may be able to come up with appropriate solutions in a group and try different approaches that may benefit all of you.

Not being listened to?
Is this a case of just not being listened to at meetings? Next time it happens wait until he has finished and then say “If I understand you correctly you are saying…” Sometimes the interpreted summary relayed back, doesn’t make sense and so the person has to adapt it second time around.

An alternative approach, may be to again wait for them to finish. Keep up a poker face, and not say anything when they finish speaking. Maintain the silence. This may feel threatening to the other person. They may start again, but with a more positive approach. If this happens, you can afford to be a bit more animated!

Finally, if he won’t listen to you, we will! Get some coaching!